An Octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play any musical instrument you like".

Englishman gives it a guitar which it plays better than Jimi Hendrix.

Irishman gives it a piano which it plays better than Elton John.

Scotsman throws it a set of bagpipes.

The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes without a sound from the bagpipes so the Scotsman asks, "what's wrong, can ye no play it"?
The octopus says, "Play It? I'm gonna f*** her brains out once I get her pyjamas off"