Choosing an Appropriate Extinction.

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So, you’re going to become extinct!

This leaflet is here to help you decide what kind of extinction you want.

Some of the universally popular choices are:

• Running out of fossil fuels.
• Climate change.
• Overpopulation.
• Environmental degradation.

Inability to make decisions is common to doomed species – so if you can’t make up your mind what exactly should snuff out the light of your intellect forever, don’t worry – elements of each can be factored in to your pre-extinction experience to help you decide.

• Are you a divided species, armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons and running out of fossil fuels? Are your societies technologically dependent on oil? Then the all out war for access to oil reserves, culminating in a nuclear Armageddon is for you!

Quick and easy, nothing says betrayal of your being like an Oil Armageddon scenario. Be the first to hit the big red button for your chance to win a place in the official history of the universe!

• Sure you want to die out – but not sure you want to take the blame? Nothing is more difficult to pin down than the causes of climate change. Against a background of dramatic weather events, see your species - starving, strip every green and living thing from the face of the earth.

Extinction from climate change may not win you any awards, but leaves a gloriously bitter aftertaste in the mouths of the last generation. Hone your self-loathing until it can flay the living flesh from your bones. Choose climate change today!

• Are you a virile species with little or no sense of self-control? Do you make love not war? Have you always valued quantity over quality? Then why not breed yourself into non-existence?

This attractive package deal combines aspects of resource abuse, climate change and environmental degradation as civilization breaks down under the sheer weight of numbers. Win a place in the history books by becoming the most populous planet in the universe. This utilitarian nightmare offers the greatest horror for the greatest number – when hey baby, you just have to get it on!

• Do you think of yourselves as apart from the biology of your planet? Do you think of the natural world as a resource to be freely exploited? Would the oceans be better if they were just slightly pine scented? Then environmental degradation is for you!

The Dead Planet Arts Council will present the prestigious Plastic-Planet Award for most artificial, sterile environment shortly before the end of time. To qualify, there must be no wilderness left anywhere on the surface and the oceans should be entirely free of life!

Are you still here? What are you waiting for? With all these attractive extinction options it’s a wonder you made it to the end of the leaflet. Have you still not made up your mind? Well here’s the beauty – you don’t have to. Just carry on as you are and an appropriate extinction will be delivered FREE!
Before you go, might we suggest you give some thought to a memorial statuette to your failing species? Pick up our leaflet ‘Expressions of Extinction’ – now, before it’s too late!’