A light-hearted look at the world of politics, seen through the eyes of a mass media junkie.
Oh, and there's jokes, too.
Oh, and there's jokes, too.
Darth Gordon
Posted 25-09-2008 at 04:50 PM by Dr The Evidence
In attempting to explain the ongoing battle between Gordon Brown and David Cameron, I’m going to employ a Star Wars metaphor. Because, as we all know, Star Wars seems to speak more to the hearts and minds of the average person than politicians do. In 2 years time, in this country, we’ll be electing a new Darth Vader. Now Darth Vader is powerful, agreed. He blows up a whole world just to test out his new gun. That’s pretty hard core.
Problem is, in America right now they are in the process of electing our new Emperor. And Darth Vader aint got shit on the Emperor. He’s the big boss. He’s the one who declares war on the Republic (or Iraq, you know, whatever). He’s the one that can electrocute and kill Samuel L. Jackson from 30 paces.
And that joke in no way implies the President doesn’t like black people. I’m not swimming in that shit. Although when Kanye West said that, ironically enough many people were doing just that.
Anyway, our new Emperor is pretty important. That’s why people seem to be more interested in who the next President is than who our next Prime Minister will be. And I don’t blame them, in America, they have the choice between a young, outspoken, advocate of change in Barack Obama, or a world-hardened not-bad-for-a-Republican war hero John McCain. Now that’s a battle with some real drama. Whether Barack Obama would actually achieve the change he calls for (or even knows what it is) is besides the point, as is whether Maverick McCain would bow down to the Christian Right if he ever got into office. On a separate point, if McCain is Maverick, what does that make Sarah Palin? Goose? Iceman? Meg Ryan? I don’t know…
Point is, in this country our choice is between Gordon The Almighty or Dave (‘call me David’) Cameron. One wears a pink tie to show his ‘softer’ side, the other does the washing up on the Internet to prove he’s too pandering to use the dishwasher. As match ups between two heavyweights go, its not exactly Rocky III…
Also knocking about on the British political circus are David Milliband and Harriet Harmon. I always think of these two as like the Korean couple on Lost. I get why they’re there, and I’m sure some people like them, but really, what do they have to do with the larger storyline?
Harriet Harmon has an unnatural ability to never answer a question directly, so I can see how she has got so far in politics. The last thing you need in New Old New Labour is a handle on truth-telling. And wearing a stab-proof vest to walk around your own constituency has got to be a big turn-on for the voters. Then there’s Milliband, who reminds me of one of those pre-teenage girls singing Spice Girls songs into the mirror with a hairbrush. Except I imagine a young Milliband impersonating Tony Blair’s mannerisms and hand gestures while listening to U2, again in front of a mirror, and fantasising about the day he gets to ‘put it all into action’. One day David, maybe…
We don’t have anyone in this country who will really engage the public in the way Obama can. With our political system, I’m not sure its possible. Nick Clegg tries, but being a Liberal, he could announce next week a policy to burn down orphanages to make space for new Nuclear power plants and no one would bat an eyelid. Keeping up the Lost analogy, his party are about as relevant as Boone and Shannon.
But back to Star Wars, because the Gordon Brown-as-Darth-Vader metaphor doesn’t quite end yet. Like Vader, his intentions start out noble, but he falls under a bad influence (Blair), tries to fight against the current way of doing things (The Jedi Council), but just finds himself sidelined. In Gordon’s case this lasts ten years, in Star Wars, it lasts about 20 mins in Episode 2. Okay, so those comparisons are a bit hokey, but you get the drift. Vader has great potential, but when he gets into power, well it all goes a bit wrong doesn’t it? And then up steps some young apprentice, bit of a swagger about him, and Vader is defeated. If Cameron does pull a Skywalker, and we are calling him ‘David the Prime Minister’ in two years time, he needs to remember one thing.
You still have to bow down to the Emperor.
And consolation prize to Labour if Cameron does win – we all know what happened to Luke Skywalker’s career after Star Wars. Can you say Mark Hamill? No, thought not.
Problem is, in America right now they are in the process of electing our new Emperor. And Darth Vader aint got shit on the Emperor. He’s the big boss. He’s the one who declares war on the Republic (or Iraq, you know, whatever). He’s the one that can electrocute and kill Samuel L. Jackson from 30 paces.
And that joke in no way implies the President doesn’t like black people. I’m not swimming in that shit. Although when Kanye West said that, ironically enough many people were doing just that.
Anyway, our new Emperor is pretty important. That’s why people seem to be more interested in who the next President is than who our next Prime Minister will be. And I don’t blame them, in America, they have the choice between a young, outspoken, advocate of change in Barack Obama, or a world-hardened not-bad-for-a-Republican war hero John McCain. Now that’s a battle with some real drama. Whether Barack Obama would actually achieve the change he calls for (or even knows what it is) is besides the point, as is whether Maverick McCain would bow down to the Christian Right if he ever got into office. On a separate point, if McCain is Maverick, what does that make Sarah Palin? Goose? Iceman? Meg Ryan? I don’t know…
Point is, in this country our choice is between Gordon The Almighty or Dave (‘call me David’) Cameron. One wears a pink tie to show his ‘softer’ side, the other does the washing up on the Internet to prove he’s too pandering to use the dishwasher. As match ups between two heavyweights go, its not exactly Rocky III…
Also knocking about on the British political circus are David Milliband and Harriet Harmon. I always think of these two as like the Korean couple on Lost. I get why they’re there, and I’m sure some people like them, but really, what do they have to do with the larger storyline?
Harriet Harmon has an unnatural ability to never answer a question directly, so I can see how she has got so far in politics. The last thing you need in New Old New Labour is a handle on truth-telling. And wearing a stab-proof vest to walk around your own constituency has got to be a big turn-on for the voters. Then there’s Milliband, who reminds me of one of those pre-teenage girls singing Spice Girls songs into the mirror with a hairbrush. Except I imagine a young Milliband impersonating Tony Blair’s mannerisms and hand gestures while listening to U2, again in front of a mirror, and fantasising about the day he gets to ‘put it all into action’. One day David, maybe…
We don’t have anyone in this country who will really engage the public in the way Obama can. With our political system, I’m not sure its possible. Nick Clegg tries, but being a Liberal, he could announce next week a policy to burn down orphanages to make space for new Nuclear power plants and no one would bat an eyelid. Keeping up the Lost analogy, his party are about as relevant as Boone and Shannon.
But back to Star Wars, because the Gordon Brown-as-Darth-Vader metaphor doesn’t quite end yet. Like Vader, his intentions start out noble, but he falls under a bad influence (Blair), tries to fight against the current way of doing things (The Jedi Council), but just finds himself sidelined. In Gordon’s case this lasts ten years, in Star Wars, it lasts about 20 mins in Episode 2. Okay, so those comparisons are a bit hokey, but you get the drift. Vader has great potential, but when he gets into power, well it all goes a bit wrong doesn’t it? And then up steps some young apprentice, bit of a swagger about him, and Vader is defeated. If Cameron does pull a Skywalker, and we are calling him ‘David the Prime Minister’ in two years time, he needs to remember one thing.
You still have to bow down to the Emperor.
And consolation prize to Labour if Cameron does win – we all know what happened to Luke Skywalker’s career after Star Wars. Can you say Mark Hamill? No, thought not.
Total Comments 12
Comments
 |  Fantastic Blog... Keep them coming |
  |
| | Oh and to continue the 'Lost' analogy...Maggie Thatcher is Jacob...Nobody can see her anymore but she still controls everything - The 'monster' is her ideology!!! |
| |
| |  If you didn't want to have an Emperor, maybe you shouldn't have given up your empire. The world will not tolerate a power vaccuum, so someone (the U.S. in this case) will always step in to fill the void. Britain traded its empire, wealth, land, and standing in the world for social services, so enjoy your NHS, pensions, and welfare checks whilst we run things. |
| |
| |  Sorry, I must have been ill the day I was responsible for giving up The British Empire. Maybe the chicken pox or something. As for you running things, whats the one about pride? Oh yeah, it comes before the fall. |
| |
| | It's not pride that'll bring the U.S. down, it's liberalism. We Americans have done our children a grave disservice by removing all negative consequences for bad behavior. Get knocked up? Abortion. Decide you don't want the abortion? Welfare. Spend yourself into debt? Bankruptcy. Get arrested for victimizing innocent people? Probation. Although, I don't know why the average American would want to take responsibility for his/her own actions. They seem to be taking their cues from our government, the most juvenile and irresponsible lot you'll run across, regardless of party affiliation. As for the Emperor......I don't seem to recall Europe bitching too much about the U.S. when we were subsidizing your safety from 1941 to 1989. Oh, sure, there'd be a little ****in' & moanin' from the dope smoking hippies on both sides of the pond, but everybody liked the fact that Uncle Sugar was there to handle up on things if need be. |
| Updated 25-09-2008 at 11:46 PM by Tantal |
| |  **sigh**Are you ever gonna stop taking credit for the allies winning WWII? You have to know it wasn't that black and white surely! |
| |
| | Yeah we need to thank Stalin just as much as the USA. As much as I and Tantal BOTH hate Stalin, the fact remains we could not have won the war without him! |
| |
| | Yep, cold Russian winter and those wonderful Brits in their flying machines, although I suppose Write brothers were American, so indirectly... |
| |
| | Even throwing out WWII itself, the American soldier and taxpayer protected Europe from Uncle Joe and his successors for over 40 years, thus freeing-up defense monies for social programs. The British military is a shell of its former self. But, what do Britons care? As long as the doctor bills are cheap and the welfare checks keep coming......... |
| |
| | Tantal, Are you are seriously saying that US taxpayers subsidise UK welfare programs????? Surely u r not THAT crazy? |
| |
| | How awful of us to put the welfare of the nation above any desire to have the strongest military in the world! As our military is so terrible you won't mind too much if we pack our ol' kit bags and leave you to it in the middle East will you? |
| |
| | Not so much now, but during the Cold War, YES! European countries had to spend less of their GDP on defense than they normally would have because the United States was doing the "heavy lifting" in terms of providing for the defense of Europe against your Comrades to the east. This allowed those funds to be used elsewhere, namely social services. |
| |
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