A light-hearted look at the world of politics, seen through the eyes of a mass media junkie.
Oh, and there's jokes, too.
Oh, and there's jokes, too.
Episode 3: The Trilogy has Landed! Bail Out!
Posted 30-09-2008 at 06:01 PM by Dr The Evidence
This is part 3 of my Blogging with pop-culture references saga. In the time-honoured tradition of trilogies, Godfather III, Matrix Revolutions, Pirates III, Rush Hour III, this one should be shit. So, I'll try my best... (besides, Rush Hour was shit anyway)
Unless you've been living in a cave on Mars for the last week and a half (and if you have, bravo!) then you've probably heard all about this bail-out business. Basically the American taxpayer is going to "bail out" the financial institutions in their country to the tune of 700 billion dollars. (Side note: I don't know what the tune of that much money sounds like, but I'm guessing somewhere near "Money, Money Money" by Abba, or Ted DiBiasi's entrance music)
Anyway, that’s a lot of money. In Michael Jackson terms, that’s 31, 318 kids worth of out of court settlements. As Neo would say, “Woh”.
My understanding of the term "bail out" is that its derived from bailing out water on a sinking ship. As such, its only a short term measure, the boat still sinks, just more slowly. Now, if there’s a hole in your boat, you have 2 options. Get to shore. Or die. Shouldn’t we let the banks die, I mean isn’t that the whole point of free markets? Its a dog eat dog, “it’s a jungle out there” mentality, right? Right?
Of course if the banks did go under, then everyone would lose in the short term. At least this way, everyone loses in the long term. And Bush has only got like 1/16 of a term left, so, he’ll be laughing all the way to the…well, the place where the bank used to be. It’ll be Obama/McCain/Palin/Other Guy who’s left to pick up the pieces.
Forget about all that though. Its all the way across the pond, miles away. Its not affecting us. Problem is, just like Desperate Housewives, American shit seems to find its way over here way too easily. We’ll all be looking at something similar soon. And then it gets really complicated. Bailing out a bank, or indeed nationalising one, stinks of socialism, something Republicans in the states are already struggling with. Its enough to make Dave (‘call me David’) Cameron’s head explode. He’s already had to announce an ingenious sitting-on-the-fence measure whereby the Bank of England would take over failing banks. They’re independent you see, so that’s fine. He’s neither pandering to the left or the right, just teetering in the middle. Classic Cameron.
Aaah, I’ve had enough. This financial doom and gloom is too depressing, and complicated. Don’t you just yearn for the days when Credit Crunch was a breakfast cereal? And the front page of the newspaper was devoted to Jordan’s latest footballer love slave? Simpler times, when Northern Rock was what you bought when you went to Blackpool, and bankers were only suspected of being immoral, money-grabbing jerks? I do. But it seems those times are gone, disappearing from view like Arnie dissolving into the acid at the end of Terminator 2. Although there’s a thumbs up, to give you hope, you know anywhere the franchise goes after this is downhill. Terminator 3? Now that really is a disappointing 3rd instalment.
---The Doctor is being struck off. Bye. He has been selling prescriptions on the side to pay for his HBO habit. Besides, the hero usually dies at the end of the trilogy anyway.---
Unless you've been living in a cave on Mars for the last week and a half (and if you have, bravo!) then you've probably heard all about this bail-out business. Basically the American taxpayer is going to "bail out" the financial institutions in their country to the tune of 700 billion dollars. (Side note: I don't know what the tune of that much money sounds like, but I'm guessing somewhere near "Money, Money Money" by Abba, or Ted DiBiasi's entrance music)
Anyway, that’s a lot of money. In Michael Jackson terms, that’s 31, 318 kids worth of out of court settlements. As Neo would say, “Woh”.
My understanding of the term "bail out" is that its derived from bailing out water on a sinking ship. As such, its only a short term measure, the boat still sinks, just more slowly. Now, if there’s a hole in your boat, you have 2 options. Get to shore. Or die. Shouldn’t we let the banks die, I mean isn’t that the whole point of free markets? Its a dog eat dog, “it’s a jungle out there” mentality, right? Right?
Of course if the banks did go under, then everyone would lose in the short term. At least this way, everyone loses in the long term. And Bush has only got like 1/16 of a term left, so, he’ll be laughing all the way to the…well, the place where the bank used to be. It’ll be Obama/McCain/Palin/Other Guy who’s left to pick up the pieces.
Forget about all that though. Its all the way across the pond, miles away. Its not affecting us. Problem is, just like Desperate Housewives, American shit seems to find its way over here way too easily. We’ll all be looking at something similar soon. And then it gets really complicated. Bailing out a bank, or indeed nationalising one, stinks of socialism, something Republicans in the states are already struggling with. Its enough to make Dave (‘call me David’) Cameron’s head explode. He’s already had to announce an ingenious sitting-on-the-fence measure whereby the Bank of England would take over failing banks. They’re independent you see, so that’s fine. He’s neither pandering to the left or the right, just teetering in the middle. Classic Cameron.
Aaah, I’ve had enough. This financial doom and gloom is too depressing, and complicated. Don’t you just yearn for the days when Credit Crunch was a breakfast cereal? And the front page of the newspaper was devoted to Jordan’s latest footballer love slave? Simpler times, when Northern Rock was what you bought when you went to Blackpool, and bankers were only suspected of being immoral, money-grabbing jerks? I do. But it seems those times are gone, disappearing from view like Arnie dissolving into the acid at the end of Terminator 2. Although there’s a thumbs up, to give you hope, you know anywhere the franchise goes after this is downhill. Terminator 3? Now that really is a disappointing 3rd instalment.
---The Doctor is being struck off. Bye. He has been selling prescriptions on the side to pay for his HBO habit. Besides, the hero usually dies at the end of the trilogy anyway.---
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