It has long been rumoured throughout Europe that English men have the smallest penises of all the European nations.

The NHS in an effort to establish the truth or otherwise of this assertion have introduced a voluntary survey.

Every English post-pubic male with an erect penis smaller than eight centimetres when fully erect has been asked to fly a white flag with a red cross on it, on their car. Those who are unable to obtain an erect penis of any size are asked to fly two such flags.

My wife is happy to report that I dont and never have owned a motor vehicle.