A woman goes into fishing shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A salesman is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.

It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter', she says. I'll take it!'

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who it was. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The clerk rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.'

A butcher takes over a butcher's shop in a small country village in Buckinghamshire, the retiring butcher says, "Remember, the lady of the manor always pops in on a Friday to buy an Aylesbury duck, so make sure you get a few from the supplier from the supplier, he is a bit shifty so don't let him con you".

So he makes sure he gets a few Aylesbury ducks from the supplier, the lady of the manor pops in to make her purchase which he hands to her saying "Is this one alright?".

She lifts up the duck, pulls it's feet apart, looks up it's arse and says, "This isn't an Aylesbury duck, the is a Chinese Peking Duck".

"Are you sure?" he says.

"Certain" she replies, "I know my ducks".

He hands her another duck, She lifts up the duck, pulls it's feet apart, looks up it's arse and says, "This isn't an Aylesbury duck, the is an American White Call Duck".

He looks skeptical and says, "Are you sure? How can you tell?"

She says, "I'm an Aylesbury local, I have lived here all my life, that's how I know... you aren't from around here are you? Where are you from?"

The butcher dropped his trousers, turned around and bent over and said, "You're the expert, you tell me".