By following a simple piece of advice from a doctor on the radio I have finally found inner peace.

The advice? To finish all those things you have started.

So I looked around the house this morning and started by finishing off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of sshardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of a botal Prozic and Valum scripshins, the res of the Chesescake an a box of choclits.

Yo haf no idr hou fkin gud I feal.

Plis sen dis on to dem yu fee r in ned of iner pis!

An English tourist was on holiday on the Thai island of Phuket. On his second night he met a beautiful Thai girl, and after a few drinks they ended up back in his hotel bed. After having had amazing sex for a couple of hours, they both lay back exhausted. The girl however carried on gently massaging the tourist's testicles for a further hour before the tourist asked,

'Why are you enjoying massaging my balls for so long'

'Because I miss my own so much' replied the beautiful Thai girl.